Tips to avoid slip sliding away

Now that OI’ Man Winter is technically just around the corner, here are some tips for us ol’ humans who are drivin’ in the sleet, snow and slush.

Drive the lane you’re in. In St. Thomas, it’s astonishing to see how many seniors decide to pull an awkward move to the right to get out of a left turning lane, for example. Here’s a bulletin for us old fogeys. It doesn’t matter two hoots whether we are on time, or three, five or ten minutes late getting to coffee with the other codgers. We’ll be better, safer, less-yelled-at drivers if we stay in our lane, make the turn, drive until we see a good turnaround street and drive back. We may not have a lot of time left in the great scheme of things, but we’ll have less if we get slammed while attempting some weird dipsy-doodle.

Stay rubber-necked as long as you can. Every morning and every night, do side-to-side and front-to-back neck exercises. Keep those small bones and muscles and tendons flexible. That way, you can swivel your neck and see the vehicle in your blind spot before you change lanes on the 401 and get whacked. You’ll also have the advantage of being able to whip your head around to take a second look at an attractive human on the sidewalk; however, see distracted driving below.

Distracted driving. This crime, unheard of in my youth, but growing like topsy because of these new-fangled smart phones, extends well beyond viewing a screen while cruising. When you were eighteen, you could eat a sandwich, sip coffee and light a smoke while driving with one finger. (Do not question how I know this). In your senior years, you are far better to plant those fingers at ten o’clock and two o’clock and to stop somewhere for your lunch. And if you are still inhaling nicotine as a senior, what can I say? Don’t buy green bananas?

Make a list before you leave home. Why? Between downtown and wherever you’re headed, your mind can easily wander off to – I don’t know – the new marijuana laws. Why does your daughter smoke that stuff anyway? Does Trudeau believe he’s helping kids by legalizing weed? And what are you doing stopped at these lights under the Elevated Park? It’s not that you forget what you’re doing. It’s that things replace other things in the mind. Easily. All the time. Make a list. Pull over to read it as needed.